As soon as i found out i was pregnant i knew i wanted to breastfeed, knowing it was going to be best for my child. I started going to classes at my mother and toddler group to learn more about birth etc and a lot of pressure was on to breastfeed our babies when their born. Learning the facts of breast milk being better than formula i was so determined to do it.
On the 8th of September, 6 days before my due date i gave birth to my little girl in hospital. She was born natural vaginal birth, i had to be stitched up for a good hour so i couldn't move much and being a first time mummy i didn't have a clue what to expect or do. Once i was all sorted and washed the midwife asked if i wanted to try get her to latch. I struggled right from the start, it just wasn't happening. At one point it seemed like she had latched on but only for a few seconds and she was back off. We left it for a bit and i just tried again. This continued for a few hours. The midwife then suggested to squeeze my boob so the milk came out and put it on a little spoon such as a clean medicine spoon or a little measuring cup. So when i got home i had to do that to make sure she was getting something. I still kept on trying to get her to latch and i felt really disappointed in myself for it not going the way i expected.
After the first day we had breastfeeding experts come over and midwifes, they showed me certain positions i could do to try get her to latch on. I struggled to move as i was so uncomfortable since being stitched but i did some positions like they said and it still wasn't happening, she wouldn't latch. The midwife then weighed her a few days after she was born and she had gone from 6.9 pounds to 5.10 pounds which was under what their allowed to loose which made me feel so bad. My partner came up with 'what about formula'. I knew i didn't want to use formula and that there had to be another way. A midwife suggested a breast pump so my partner went out that same day and bought a manual Philips Avent breast pump and some bottles. As long as she was getting the breast milk it didn't really matter if it was from my boob or a teat. It worked a dream! except for my nipples being sore and my boobs engorging and being like rocks i was producing milk. The midwife said 'i could get you a electric pump to lend for a month', which that sounded bliss as i didn't have to manually do it as it hurt my hands. The electric pump worked amazing and my daughter was putting lots of weight on so i was super happy.
After about 4 weeks of using the pump i noticed i wasn't producing loads of milk like i thought i should, so i started taking some herbal supplements to help my milk supply build up. It didn't seem to be doing much. The health visitor then came around to suggest why not try getting my baby to latch on my breast again after 4 weeks of being on the bottle. So i did which was the worst decision i had ever made.
At around 4 1/2 weeks of my daughter having breast milk, mid October time i noticed my left boob starting to really hurt, It was aching and i knew something wasn't right straight away. I went to the doctors to explain and he say nothing was wrong and there was no point giving me any tablets for infection as there wasn't any infection yet. So i went home, trying to pump was feeling impossible no milk was coming out of my left breast at all and it was going really inflamed and hard. I went back to the doctors the day after and got some mastitis tablets and took them for a day, But then it was too late the pain was unbearable! I rang my partner to tell him i need to go to a walk in doctors as it was Saturday and my doctors wasn't open. As soon as i went into the doctors and took my bra off my boob was bright red! i had never seen anything like it, he said i needed to be cheeky and go to A&E!
All i can say is thank god i did, i waited in the a&e room for about 1 hour and i started shivering feeling really uncomfortable and delirious and even started to cry. I felt like i needed to hold my boob up as well. Finally i moved into another room to be seen by a doctor which i was waiting another 30 minutes. Then the doctor finally took me into his room and basically said you need to have a operation as you've got a cyst in your left boob. He said the surgeon was going to come up in the next 4 hours as i had taken some paracetamol and they needed to be out off my system. I burst out crying again and i just remember saying I've let my daughter down with breastfeeding and that i was scared of my cyst exploding inside me. Within the next 20 minutes a surgeon came up and told me to put a gown on and that's it i was off and rushed down to theater. They couldn't put me to sleep straight away as my blood pressure was all over the place and they needed to calm me down i was holding onto a ladies hand and she was talking to me about my daughter and how old she was and she asked 'are you cold' as i was shivering and i said 'no, just nervous' which they couldn't understand. Once i had the operation and came around from the anesthetic i was on a ward to which i had water in a bag rushing through my veins. Most of it was a blur apart from that night trying to get blood from me for tests and saying i might need to go to ICU. That night i thought i was a goner. The next morning the nurse came to me as my mum, dad, partner and baby girl was sat around saying 'you worried us all last night'. But i came fighting back. I had some dinner and felt alright, i managed to get out of bed and sit at the side and a doctor came around telling me i had 'Septicemia' (blood poisoning) from the infection i had. Wow, that was a shock to hear. All i kept thinking is if i had left it another day i might not be hear today. But i am and that's the main thing, once i came out of hospital i felt so much better straight away. Apart from having to have the hole in my boob packed every day then every week EWW! But after a few month around November/December time i didn't have to have it done anymore and it could heal by itself. I was so happy that i could get back to normal life again and start to enjoy my baby girl again.
This has been quite emotional to write about especially trying to remember every detail what happened. I'm just very thankful for the hospital that saw me and for having an amazing family to help me.
But in the end even though this happened to me i will attempt to breastfeed when i have another child, i just will know if my baby doesn't latch on straight away and it doesn't work out not to worry about it. Just go with the flow. I ended up using formula in the end and my daughter is just as healthy now. Formula or breast milk, as long as your child is putting on weight and doing great that's all that matters. It's whatever works for you.
