My Recovery story (Natural birth) (Tearing)

I haven't really written on my blog about how my labour went with my daughter and this isn't particularly going to be about that either. It's more about the recovery of birth, how it can affect people in different ways and how it affected me.

I had quite a simple hospital birth with my little girl, contractions as normal, vaginal birth (didn't make it to the delivery ward haha).

Once I had pushed my baby out it all began..

Nobody had really talked about the recovery part of 'Labour', even in all my pregnancy classes and midwife appointments and I see videos today on Youtube about women's birth stories but nothing about what can happen afterwards.

Tearing

I had a vaginal birth in the labour unit at hospital and tore really bad. I needed stitches, quite a lot of them. I even had to have gas & air more for the stitches than I did for pushing! Once I was stitched up and had my giant pad in place, I managed to cuddle my baby but, as time passed on, I had to try walk around and have a pee but I was so frightened just to move as I didn't want to disturb my stitches. However, I did manage to get a bath and eventually, have a wee as they weren't going to let me leave until I could prove I was capable to use the toilet. The next couple of days at home was a nightmare. Trying to bond with my baby and breastfeed her whilst I was in pain down there. I could barely move or get into a position to feel ok to do so was awful. I was too scared to go for a poo that I was googling it what to do when pushing on the toilet with stitches after birth. I had to hold a wet flannel on my flu whilst I did a number two but it worked and didn't hurt as much as I thought it was going too. I eventually started to feel a bit better in myself a week after my birth and went to Matalan to change some babysuits that were too big and I felt something come down. We rushed back home and a clot of blood had come away which scared the life out of me! My aftercare midwife told me I need to take it more steady as everything was trying to heal back up inside my body. After that, I started taking it steady letting my stitches heal properly but they became really itchy! My midwife recommended lavender oil in the bath. Getting a bath felt amazing but getting out the itching began again so I had to lay on my bed with no knickers on just to try not to irritate the area. Even one of my stitches popped and went into the loo! I certainly wasn't having a good time!

Sex Drive

It took about a month for everything to heal up and my stitches finally dissolved. But I still didn't feel normal down there! Still to this day I still don't feel like I was stitched up correctly! Which brings me to my second part of (afterbirth). Its definitely not just physical but .. Mentally. My sex drive had gone way downhill and has only just started to pick up again 3 years later. The thoughts going through your head saying 'you don't look normal down there' really makes you not want sex! Even when your partner says you do look normal.. It can be awful for a couple in a relationship. I'm scared of tearing each time we have sex as it hurts sometimes because of the scaring. Its not just the labour that hurts but afterwards isn't just a short term wound for some people it can really affect them long term! But I'm grateful for having a partner who listens to me and understands how I feel. Even thinking about having another child scares the hell out of me, not because I have to go through pregnancy or push a baby out but 'what if i tear again', 'even worse this time' 'what if i tear to my bum'. But I spoke to people on social media about their second babies after they tore the first time and that made me feel 10 times better. (if I tear again, maybe I'll get stitched up better next time?) fingers crossed haha!

Weight, body confidence and contraception

Another issue lots of people struggle with after birth is 'Weight' I lost all my baby weight so quickly the first month after having Ava but I had started taking my pill again and because I missed one and came on my period again straight away just after coming off, I decided to go onto the depo injection and piled on a stone in a month! So, I lost my baby weight and gained it all back and haven't managed to lose it yet (I love junk food too much!)

Talking to others

So every persons birth/labour/recovery is different and people need to talk about it to make them feel better. Make them feel 'normal' it's not just you, lots of people out there feel the exact same way and you need to 100 % talk to your partners! Tell them how you feel if your sex drive and confidence is low.